salparadise | 〔 open rp post. 〕

₀ choose 〔 RECORD 〕
₁ 〔 DUST 〕
₂ hit 〔 PLAY 〕
₃ you must 〔 DANCE^¹ 〕

^¹ have fun

the only running your sexual exploits involve is to the local clinic. that's not 26 miles away.

because i know better than to mess with another man's property. what is it with you and pre-loved merchandise?

satisfaction guarantee.

for you or them?

i do hope you're not accusing me of being selfish and self-serving.

no need for accusations when guilt's already been proven.

so the question wasn't entirely necessary, was it?

just checking if you're still self-aware. you know most self-respecting men prefer home improvement to homewrecking as a hobby.

the popularity of ikea would beg to differ re: accuracy.

shut up i get all my furniture there.

i am very sorry.

i'm gonna forgive your blasphemy for now since you're probably going to end up with a bastard sooner or later.

i am a firm advocate of safe sex when dealing with adulterous women. one never knows where they've been.

if you believed in safe sex, you'd be opting for conquests with less risk involved.

i'm disappointed in your sense of adventure.

it's called self-preservation

i give you permission to say 'i told you so' should the worst come to pass.

don't be that guy who gets his cock lopped off. i don't think i'd be able to tolerate a eunuch.

[ha ha ha crying]

i'm tempted to say my misfortune would be greater than yours.

what misfortune? not being me is a great misfortune billions of people have to deal with. i'm peachy keen.